her vagine was all disorganized.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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