Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
