haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize