My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
