You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
