Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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