remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize