careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
