i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
