Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
