I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
