Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
