he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
