I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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