I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
