dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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