He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
