he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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