so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize