The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
