Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
