I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
