I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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