I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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