I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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