I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
