So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
