I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
