my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
