You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FUCK WHALES
try to milk me bitch
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