she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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