she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
