what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
