I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
