Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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