after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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