i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
