you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
