Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
