there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you inspire me to be a worse person
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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