My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
operation harelip BJ is a go
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
