Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
