Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
