i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
