I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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