Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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