Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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