no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
