Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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