hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
