Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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