And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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