she looked like the before picture.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize