I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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