Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
