porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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