Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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