Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
