I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So vagazzling was a success
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize