who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
