Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
