I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
