Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize