when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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