Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
