dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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