What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
