We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dignity is for republicans.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
