My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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