Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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