If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
