Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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