The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
