Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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