You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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