Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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