There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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