The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
