guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
