I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
