I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
