Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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