Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
