He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
