yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
