i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
