I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
