my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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