Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
