It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
