Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
