When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
