okay pat passed out under dana's car
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize