Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
