he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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